2022: Which kain Krismas be dis?

As at 20/12/22, not much has been heard about Christmas beyond some carols here and there and some companies wanting to cobrand with the Christmas season.

The only thing I hear from ‘my radio’ Nigerian Info 99.3 is how ‘APC is the party and BAT is the man’ or Jandor complaining that ‘we are tired of promise and fail’ and thus asking us to come under the umbrella.

Even road-side hawkers of sundry seasonal items usually offering ‘buy-one-and-get-one-free’, are nowhere to be seen! In the good old days, ‘jingle-bell’ and ‘silent-night’ would have suffocated the airwaves since November.

Those days, it was a season of bliss. I still remember how my father’s co-in-law (my aunts husband), would ferry us in his truck from Osumenyi to Igbo-Ukwu and we would be joyfully singing choruses all the way while the vehicle would be raising dusts along the road.

And when we got home, the village would know that Headmaster’s family was back. And somebody has just joked that with a bag of rice going for N55,000, we would all know the meaning of ‘silent-night Christmas’! I wanted to ask him why we should not use agbado, and cassava for the season but I did not want a riot by the younger elements in my constituency, who must always have rice.

However, beyond the non-trending of ‘silent night’ in the airwaves and the cost of rice, a lot of factors have made me wonder ‘which kain Christmas be dis’. The last time I was in a similar mood was in 2010, when I reviewed the Christmas reason in arrears and wondered whether we should actually, be wishing each other happy Christmas (Ik Muo: Happy Christmas? Not Quite: BusinessDay, 4/1/11).

WKKBD in a situation where fuel – where available – goes for N280?litre (allegedly @ a landing cost of N400) in a government run by people who wanted to crash this country over N97/litre price?

It was at a time when power generation plummeted to 800 gross and we were without light for 7 days at a sitting; when Juhel Okoye was kidnapped, a month after his mother was kidnapped and after he hosted the President in his Y2K compliant factory, man’s inhumanity to man by transporters, 100 police tollgates from Shagamu to Onitsha, insufferable gridlock at bridgehead (hopefully resolved) and imported inflation and hold-up in the East.

Last year, I started an analysis of the Christmas season by x-raying the afflictions of Fada Christmas. One tested positive for omicron and was quarantined, another was arrested by the police for not having the National Identity Number (with the Police and Immigration fighting over the custody of the UFC- Unknown Fada Christmas), another boarded Okada and was arrested by FRSC for not wearing a crash-helmet while the other who wanted to evade the Police and FRSC, boarded a canoe (he could not afford a boat) and fell into the dirty waters of Lagos.

Another was so distressed that in an unfortunate role-reversal, the people were contributing ‘agege-bread ati ewa’ for him while the other abandoned his calling and followed a fleshy curvaceous seductress! (Ik Muo: Christmas; for whom and for what). The harsh realities of today’s Nigeria continue, and are still mercilessly afflicting fada Christmas. One was so broke and decided to hustle as a labourer at a constriction site for N2000 daily and due to hunger, he stumbled in the process. Another could only gift ‘ pure water’ to the bemused children, promising them a better outing come 2023.

However, leaving the jocular stories about the travails of Fada Christmas, there are many serious reasons that have forced me to ask on behalf of the masses (everything is always done on behalf of the masses without their consent), ‘which kain Krismas be dis’ (WKKBD) for federal ‘ASUUists’ whose 8 month salaries were ‘ NGIGErised’ and their students who are trying to catch up for the 8 months emergency holidays and whose lecturers keep on referring them to Ngige at the slightest provocation?

WKKBD in a situation where fuel – where available – goes for N280 litre? (allegedly @ a landing cost of N400) in a government run by people who wanted to crash this country over N97/litre price? WKKBD for 133m Nigerians in multidimensional poverty, 28m of whom earn less than N100000 annually in an environment when general inflation is 22% and still counting (highest since September 2005) while food inflation is 25% and where Nigeria ranks 103/121 countries facing food crises- despite the abundance of arable fertile land?

And those of them lucky to have money in the bank cannot withdraw same because the new currency is scarce? WKKBD for the unemployed youths (66% of them) who are looming the streets and selling their voters card for a day’s meal to heartless politicians who are openly denying their previous promises while promising to air-condition the Sambisa forest come 2023, when we should be deploying 123 percent of our resources to debt servicing alone.

Read also: Let’s make it more than merely Christmas

WKKBD when everything about 2023 and going forward is gloomy: debt of N51trn (from 42trn today), when the Debt Management Office, which has been a co-conspirator with the Government has blown the alarm about ‘threatened debt sustainability’, when the $, if available goes for 800, when as much as 94m barrels of oil are stollen daily and when we are hearing stories of N70trn stollen (with account numbers, names and banks).

Which kain Krismas be dis for members of Zamfara community who bankrupted themselves to pay a protection-levy of N20m to bandits; members of two LGAs under the control of bandits in Borno state and people whose relatives were in the 5 busses kidnaped by audacious terrorists on their way to Abuja asked to provide N50m in these dry, hard times?

WKCBD for residents of Asa, Agbon, Ibeku and Oja-Odan communities in the Yewa-North Local Government Area of the state who have just received a love-letter from an armed gang asking them to ‘wait for us’? What of those in Spouthern Kaduna whose 28 brethren were killed and houses burnt (5 days after a previous attack and murders)by these invisible and powerfully armed marauders? What of those at Eha-Amufu where about 150 have been killed since 2021, 50 killed two weeks ago and who were subjected by another attack less than a week later?

Last two weeks (circa 5/12/22) my wife encountered a family re-enacting the Biafran experience; who slept in the bush for days and who ran all the way from Ehamufu to Oraeri Anambra state for refuge. WKKBD for the people who are displaced, left with nothing, wounded and lacking treatment, abandoned by those paid and equipped to protect them? WKKBD for those who cannot go home, who are cancelling already firmed up engagements, those in hiding? If you want to know, ask Andy Uba who had a wine ceremony for his ‘dota’ at Abuja the other day (an abomination traditionally)! Yes; which kain Krismas be dis? Well, it is still Christmas.

As our people say, however the eye is, it must still, kook! And as Warri people would say ‘at-all, at-all’, n aim bad pass. For being alive, for surviving the stress and distress of Nigeria, for still retaining our sanity despite the unbelievable physical and fiscal bloodletting in Nigeria, and for having survived 90% of Buhari era, we should rejoice.

Happy Christmas to all my readers, friends, frenemies and all men of goodwill, though we have a problem because everyman-and woman too claim to belong to this club of men of good will. Actually, my elder brother belongs to a club called ‘Men of good will’.