I remember one night many years ago, my parents sat in the sitting room to watch the 9pm news. Cyril Stober was reporting that night and the news highlight was about a young girl who was raped by a thirty-something-year-old man, it was very tragic. My Mum was being all dramatic and shaking her head in disbelieve at the news, my Dad on the other hand who was not paying so much attention to the news looked up and asked about the rape case.
My mum gave this face which evidently meant my dad should not mention the rape word in my presence but my dad did not get the message so he came again with the question and this time louder than the former. Then my mum, clearly upset that my dad was not reading her facial expression correctly said “don’t ask me about that word, I don’t want her wondering about what that word means”. The 7-year-old me, sitting on the floor pretending to be focused on Zandi and the wonderful pillow, a story book I had read a gazillion times already, laughed loudly in my mind, thinking “these two do not know how much I know”.
Right now, thinking back at what must have been on my mum’s mind that day, she was just trying to protect her little girl. She felt the less curious I was the better. Although I receive daily instructions which already became a mantra “If any uncle calls you, don’t answer, don’t sit on anyone’s lap, don’t open the gate for anyone you don’t know, if anyone touches you, tell me”. I cannot remember her telling me “why” at that age but the instructions were strict and clear. My brothers did not seem to get the same instructions; this was what made me even curious. What was she afraid of?
Parents tend to be more careful with their female children. You hear them say “that skirt is too short, your makeup is too much, don’t go out late at night” the list goes on. As I grew and began to understand the world, I really can’t blame parents so much, maybe not the best approach but they are afraid, they don’t feel their female children are safe.
The world we have found ourselves is quite toxic, especially to the female child. October 11 is globally recognized as the International day of the Girl Child, a day set aside to recognize the challenges faced by the girl child. They are numerous really but I will be discussing just three reasons why it is so difficult to be a girl in this modern world.
Sexual Abuse
I once had a conversation with a group of females and somehow, we began talking about sexual harassment, there was no single female in the room that has not had any form of harassment. Sexual abuse is sexual behavior (any kind) or a sexual act forced upon a woman, man or child without their consent. I think the problem here is people do not understand that abuse does not necessarily mean rape, it is any sexual act without consent. It could be subtle acts like rubbing a woman’s thighs, passing comments about body shapes or any touch without consent. It is weird how even the females do not know some things fall under the category of harassment so you see them laughing hysterically when these things are done to them or to another female.
The social media buzz regarding the rape of Uwa, Jennifer, Barakat and others left an impression on the heart of many but I think the hash tags were mainly because these girls were raped and killed and because it happened concurrently. The media is particularly silent about other girls who have been raped within this period.
The Inspector-General of Police, Mohammed Adamu announced that 717 rape cases were reported within the first five months of 2020 alone. This is sad, I wonder how many have been added to the list now. We have a lot of organizations doing wonderful things but we still need to do more.
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Female Genital Mutilation
This one is particularly sad, it is not a topic you hear about in the everyday conversation but this practice is deeply rooted in Nigeria. The World Health Organisation (WHO) describes Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) as all procedures that involve partial or total removal of the external female genitalia for non-medical reasons. Basically, it is carried out using unsterilized instruments like scissors, pieces of glass or razor blades to cut off a part or the whole of a girl’s clitoris and some other parts of her sex organs for cultural or any other non-therapeutic reasons.
One in four Nigerian women between the ages of 15 and 49 years has experienced FGM, making the country number three in the world following Egypt and Ethiopia, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimates. The reason why this is done is almost unbelievable; some believe it makes sex more enjoyable for men, others think it stops them from being promiscuous. Obviously this is ignorance considering that it is medically confirmed that FGM has immediate and long term health consequences such as infertility, infections, loss of sexual pleasure and in some cases death. This needs to stop.
Child Marriage
There are some issues that we don’t pay attention to, maybe because it does not happen in our immediate environment but they exist and they are real. Do you know Nigeria has one of the highest number of child brides in Africa? According to a 2018 UNICEF report, about 22 million girls are married before the age of 18. This is sad, considering they are being pushed to do what they are not ready for emotionally or physically. Worse is, they are not even given the opportunity for education or to explore their gifts and potential. Although Nigeria has laws against child marriage but if this is still happening it is a pointer that more needs to be done.
The Way Forward
First, I think we need more sensitization especially in rural areas. People need to outgrow some wrong beliefs and mindsets, regardless of how long they have been in existence especially regarding issues of FGM and child marriage. Also, the earlier a child understands issues regarding sex, rape and gender discrimination, the better. This job should not just be left to parents, it takes a village to raise a child, and everyone must play their part.
Also, educate the male child, this is key. The male child needs to understand he is not superior because he is male, and it is wrong to make sexual comments about a female or touch her in any form without consent. Also, because a girl is not properly dressed is not a good reason to rape her or touch her, it is very sad this is is one of the top reasons given by rapist, well next to “it is the devil’s work”.
Finally, I think we need more strict laws regarding sexual harassment even for the considered “less harmful ones”. If Mr A goes to jail for raising a woman’s skirt, Mr B goes to jail touching a lady without consent and Mr C also goes to jail for rape, it will become clearer to people what sexual harassment really means.
