I used to dread going to the market with my mother. Whether it was for groceries or a trip to Isale Eko for fabric, she haggled like she wanted those market women to call the police on us or unleash a flood of insults.
I couldn’t understand it! How could someone calmly counter an asking price with a number barely a quarter of the original offer? I mean, aren’t you afraid of getting chased out of the market?
One day, I asked her how she could make such bold counter-offers, she just laughed and said “They want to sell and I want to buy. They can’t take their meat home and they can’t wear all their fabric. If it’s the right seller, we will meet half-way.”
She was absolutely right. Most people think of negotiation as a concept exclusive to business moguls or Harvey Spectre in Suits, but it is in every aspect of our lives: from haggling at the market to discussing salary packages, or even deciding what to watch on Netflix with your partner.
This is a life skill that affects both personal and professional success. In this article, we’ll talk about negotiation, the art of blending psychology, strategy and charm to get what we want – without burning bridges.
In any negotiation, the first rule is to understand your goal. You would think this was obvious, but often, people walk into negotiations with only a vague idea of what they want.
Worse still, they get side-tracked by ego, greed or the need to prove a point. They lose sight of what is important or what winning looks like. Knowing exactly what you’re aiming for, and what is important to the other party, is key to framing your argument.
You need to ask yourself, “What’s in it for them?” People are more likely to give you what you want if they feel they’re getting something too.
Next, to know what to negotiate and when, you’ll need to do your research and be well-prepared. Preparation is key to any successful negotiation and knowledge is power. Think of an example of asking for a pay raise.
It’s not enough to just say, “I want more money.” You need to know what others in your role and industry are making. Are you asking for an increase that’s in line with market trends? When your request is timely, reasonable and in line with your proven capabilities, it instantly adds credibility to your position.
Beyond research, the next strategy is to take the time to understand the person you’ll be negotiating with. What are their priorities? What challenges might they be facing? If you can figure out what the other side needs – or what they’re worried about – you’ll be in a better position to offer a solution that benefits both of you.
Think of it this way: when you’re prepared, you’re not just asking for something, you’re offering a thoughtful, well-reasoned proposal that makes it easier for them to say “yes.”
After you’ve made your request, pause. Let the silence stretch. Silence makes most people uncomfortable, which is precisely why it’s so powerful in a negotiation.
When the other side is expecting you to fill the gap with words, staying silent creates tension. This tension often causes the other person to reveal more than they intended or offer concessions just to break the awkwardness. Instead of rushing to respond or explain your position further, use a pause to your advantage. It shows confidence, control and patience.
And while you’re at it, use the silence to truly listen. Active listening is about truly hearing and understanding the other person, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Ask open-ended questions like “Can you tell me more about that?” to keep the conversation flowing. The more they talk, the more you learn, and that knowledge can be your key advantage. When you engage fully in the conversation, you can gather valuable information.
This not only helps you understand their perspective, it also allows you to guide the conversation where you need it to go. Listening carefully also builds rapport, which can make the other person more willing to meet you halfway.
Empathy might seem out of place in a tough negotiation, but it’s actually one of the most effective tools you can use. When you take the time to understand the other person’s concerns, goals and challenges, you build trust. And trust makes people more willing to work with you. A successful negotiation isn’t just about getting what you want – it’s about finding a solution that works for both sides. Use empathetic phrases like, “I understand where you’re coming from, but…” to acknowledge their viewpoint while still pushing your position forward. When you display empathy, you show that you’re looking for a win-win. This opens the door to compromise and creative problem-solving.
But what happens when your opponent doesn’t budge? Every negotiator needs a BATNA, or Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. This is your backup plan, the alternative you’ll turn to if the negotiation doesn’t go your way.
Knowing your BATNA empowers you because it means you’re not negotiating out of desperation. If things fall apart, you’ve already got a plan. The stronger your BATNA, the more confident you’ll feel, which often leads to better outcomes. So, for my mum, her BATNA was simply walking to the next stall, going to another market, or wearing an outfit she already owned. And the market sellers know that. But they also know that if this customer doesn’t buy, another will. So, both negotiators come to the table knowing their limits.
BATNA helps you set boundaries so you know when it’s time to walk away from the table if the deal just isn’t right.
Negotiation isn’t just for boardrooms or business deals, it’s something you navigate every day, whether you realise it or not. We negotiate with our partners, our children, our work colleagues and our business partners.
Whatever terrain you’re navigating, the principles remain the same: you have to be clear about what you want, listen to the other side, and approach discussions with an open heart and a bit of laughter.
It’s not about winning or losing – it’s about finding that sweet spot where everyone feels good. This is not the feel-good sentiment it initially sounds like. Establishing a win-win scenario is crucial because it leaves all parties feeling valued and respected, and less likely to break deals. People are more likely to work with you if they feel like their needs were heard and met. By focusing on mutual benefit, you create an atmosphere of collaboration rather than competition.
Negotiation is an art that you can master with practice. Soon, you’ll find that people start to gravitate towards you, knowing that you are a fair person who will do what you can to ensure everyone feels valued. So, go ahead, work your way through life with confidence and a willingness to collaborate. Good luck!
Rachel Onamusi is the CEO of VN Sync, a full-service media marketing agency specializing in digital media strategy, has a proven track record of empowering brands through innovative campaigns and strategic partnerships. Based in the UK, Ms. Onamusi is a sought-after speaker, writer, and frequent media contributor.
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