Lost in lust

When I started my Masters degree program, my intention was to find a way to joggle between my job, family and other commitments alongside the new path I was headed. I never envisaged what was going to happen to me along the line.

My wife had suggested that I register for an online course that I could do remotely and at my own convenience but I told her that I wanted to have the physical experience of being in a classroom with other people. Looking back now, I should have listened to her.

A few months into the program, it became obvious that a particular lecturer had special interest in me. We had lunch a couple of times and I was drawn to her intelligence and wide knowledge of topics. I found her intellectually attractive and our conversations were always mentally stimulating.
Before I could spell the word shokolokobangoshe, what started off as an innocent and harmless time together blossomed into a romantic relationship. I was in love or so I thought. Our connection was on a deep level, I have never connected with any woman the way I did with her. We had chemistry so strong and we were obviously compatible. This had to be the true definition of love.

Things changed at home. I always had an excuse to be away. I spent most weekends with my widowed lover who was nearly twice my age. With her, I came to understand that age is indeed nothing but a number.

Read also: Pride goes before a fall

We were in love and we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together but the only obstacle stopping this from happening was my wife. I knew that I had to take her out of the picture. It was just a matter of time.

Getting a hitman to do the job wasn’t as difficult as I thought. The right phone calls here and there and it was a done deal. Kudos to the hitman for doing a neat job as he left no trace behind.

This falling in love with my lecturer situation seemed to have happened so fast. My decisions and actions were made on the spur of the moment or in the heat of passion. I never took time to think through anything or process what I was doing because I began to have regrets as soon as my wife was laid to rest.

I could no longer stand the sight of my “lover”. Her age became clearer to me and I detested her. I noticed her wrinkles and brown teeth which was a huge turn off for me. Her touch made my skin crawl and I couldn’t stand being in the same space with her. How on earth did I compare this old woman with the beautiful mother of my children? What did I ever see in her? I killed my wife because of this? What was I thinking? Now I’ll have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

My lecturer lover got transferred to another school/city after our breakup. She wanted a fresh start in a new environment. A fresh start indeed! The cougar was probably going to look for another young man to prey on. I wonder if she planned to have me as her retirement benefit. Anyway, she left town and I never heard from her ever again. It was good riddance to bad rubbish.

Today, I’m a lonely man living with regrets and I miss my wife everyday. It’s exactly 25years since her death and we are having a memorial in her honor. Halfway into the ceremony, my son who is now a police officer shows up with a warrant for my arrest in connection with the death of his mother.

Karma oh karma! What a way to hit me. Well, what can I say? I guess I deserve whatever is coming to me.