“…But he’s Nice”

A statement made by many women in abusive relationships, forgetting the fact that being nice to them should never be a reward for their silent worries and ignored pain, being nice to them should never be an enslaving technique and definitely never a guarantee to keep dying in peace.

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I had a very long conversation with a friend of mine and I realized a large number of ladies are in very toxic relationships and what’s even more sad, is some are not aware of the danger they are in, after all…. he’s nice.

What is a toxic relationship?

Are you with someone that makes you doubt yourself more times than you’d rather admit?

Are you with someone that makes you do things you never saw yourself doing in a million years?

Do they question your every move even when you assure them of the kind of person you are?

Are you forced to be a different person around them?

Do you have to lie to them to keep them at peace about whom and what you really are?

Do they do things that totally melt your heart yet have flaws you’d rather not spend the rest of your life with?

Do they hurt you and then apologize like something came over them and it was a huge mistake, only to repeat it in the next 3-7 working days?

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you might be in a toxic relationship and not even know it.

Now listen to this, you have no obligation to stay with someone that hurts you or shows the potential of hurting you merely because “they are nice”, no, they are not nice, your standard is low!

Is he nice because he buys you flowers right after hurting you?

Is he nice because he checks up on you after a date?

Is he nice because he asks about your whereabouts and safety?

Is he nice because he listens to you and pays attention to you?

No this is not him being extra nice or out of the moon amazing, he says he loves you, he should check up on you, he says he loves you, he should listen and pay attention, he says he loves you, he should care about your safety and if he loves you, he should definitely not hurt you on purpose knowing he’ll just get you roses and you’ll be alright.

Don’t be imprisoned by the bouquet of hibiscus, don’t be hypnotized by the attention to details and him remembering your menstrual cycle, do not be enslaved by questions about your safety if all he does afterwards is doubt you, question, hurt and make you feel less of yourself.

You need to evaluate yourself and whatever relationship you are in, make sure you are not in a toxic relationship and make sure you are not the toxic one in the relationship.

Remember, the phrase “the heart wants what it wants” is not an excuse to stay with someone that hurts you; you want ice cream when you should be on a strict diet? The heart wants what it wants, should you be sleeping but choose to binge the next episode, the heart wants what it wants… the heart should never want what hurts, breaks, or kills you!

And if you think you’ve invested too much to leave, remember staying one extra day is adding to the number of days you’ve invested, falling deeper in love is sinking deeper in an ocean that will inevitably drown you, making one extra excuse is giving more reasons to ask yourself why you ever chose to settle for a lifetime of manipulative misery.

Doing what someone that should be your partner should do is not being “nice”, it is the very norm… Refuse to be imprisoned by your low expectations and know you deserve the complete package of happiness and not a cycle of severe pain with a touch of laughter.

You deserve better!

PS; if you are waiting for the right time or energy to leave, it might never really come. JUST DO IT!

Faruq Suaad is a young lady from Nigeria. She obtained her Bachelors degree in International Relations and Diplomacy from Afe Babalola University, Ado Ekiti. She is a youth partner for Well-being for women foundation. She has an inspirational and lifestyle blog which has many readers across the globe and inspires everyone that comes across it. Also, Faruq Suaad volunteers with the MOB foundation; a Non-governmental organization that advocates for the girl child and human rights in general.

She works as a sales executive at Travel Port Nigeria while running her personal business; a clothing brand named Susultana.She is passionate about the girl child, women rights, loving yourself and humanity as a whole.