It is worrisome that Nigeria has deteriorated into a nation of people that celebrate mediocrity in thought and conduct. ‘Celebrate’ might come across as a strong word to be used in this context, but what other word can one use, when as a people, we trivialise and make jokes of some of the worst gaffes committed by public figures. It is not news that our international representatives, especially at the governmental level are responsible for some of the continent’s most celebrated gaffes. We have become a nation of jokers; we make jokes and laugh about events that would be unacceptable in some other clime. This and other manifestations of a lack of social intelligence have lost us the respect of the world. Nigeria is threatened at her roots by the present high birth rate of the low grade and the low birth rate of the high grade; a situation that poses a grim prognosis for our future.
For some, social intelligence – that is, the ability to get along with others and get them to cooperate with you – the control of etiquette know-how and a practice of good manners is pretentious or at best the exclusive preserve of blue bloods, or those born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths.
This book sets out to debunk this myth and assert that refinement is a quality required of every human being, most of all, from those who live and function in a civilised society and claim to be educated.
It will be news only to those living under a rock, that the advent of globalisation, facilitated by the advances in transportation andtelecommunications infrastructure has generated an unprecedented economic and cultural interdependence among nations of the world and this in turn compels global relationships. Metaphorically speaking, the world is today an open market, or shall we say, a borderless town, where intercultural relationships are the norm. When the English Language could be safely described as the internationally accepted currency of communication, personality refinement, demonstrated through proper social conduct and good manners sacrosanctly occupies the position of the global currency for good relationships and business success. This is so, since it is true that cultural diversity is not just a marginal aspect of social and business relations, but a key part of it. Business people and everyone else for that matter, who wishes to play in the international arena and in refined circles must gain sufficient social know-how and stamina in issues related to conduct and deportment. As the world advances and becomes more sophisticated, faux-pas, no matter how innocent, are frowned at, and offenders are viewed as being uncivilised or at best lacking competence ‒with no knowledge of or acceptance for basic manners and cultural differences.
In fact, the practice of certain social manners is so vitally critical that well organised societies have laws in place to check that they are not flouted; a good example is littering. Sadly, Nigeria’s tolerance level for this offence and other contraventions of basic etiquette is rather too high, hence our many societal problems. Somehow, as a people, we have stayed stuck in a rut and have maintained the same mentality; the same complacent and self-centred attitude, and this has birthed worse evils, the greatest of which is our acceptance of corruption.
In many ways, Nigeria’s growth pattern has defied the laws of nature, specifically, in relation to the way we have evolved as a society. History shows that with time, things undergo evolution. Life as it is today is not what it was a thousand years ago. Naturally, several aspects of our world have undergone metamorphoses and improved over the aeons, and it can be said unequivocally that much of life has undergone refinement. A classic example can be drawn from our transport system. Once we walked, then we rode on animals, then the first automobiles appeared, and now, 245 years after, automobiles have attained a reasonable state of perfection. If the technology of automobiles – our means of transportation – has achieved relative flawlessness or impeccability because a group of people devoted themselves to the pursuit of excellence in that field, continuously reinventing, renovating and readjusting things until they got it right, it is commonsensical then to infer that change is the law of life and a resistance to it, is to pursue decay. Sticking with old patterns of thinking and ways of doing things can only take a person and a nation so far, and this really is the Nigerian story.
I have titled this book the ‘Art of Refinement’ for two reasons. First, to reassure that refinement is an art, a skill that is acquired by study and practice; and secondly, to emphasise, that like all arts, it is a product of human creativity, something subject to upgrades and continuous improvement.
This book is written for Nigerians. It is a clarion call to change our old and mediocre ways of thoughts and deeds. No longer can we continue to maintain the “ko-matter, manage it now!” or the “ko-mean syndrome” and expect to compete in the global arena.
By the ‘ko-mean syndrome’, I mean an attitude of complete and absolute disregard for excellence. Every time we indulge in its luxury, we settle for less and degrade ourselves, in the process sinking lower and lower until we hit rock bottom. Every time we accept a bad job from the mechanic and excuse his ignorance, we accept that it is okay to be ill-treated. We accept badly written letters/documents because it will take longer to reproduce. We accept tardiness and call it ‘Nigerian time’. We turn a blind eye to the filth that threatens to bury our roads and block our drainages while making excuses for those in charge. We accept lack of electricity and power outages and instead search for substitutes, sometimes falling back on the long forgotten candles and lanterns. We just don’t stop. We keep accepting lower and lower standards until we have no standards to lose anymore. The ko-mean syndrome is degrading, demeaning, dehumanising, and robs us of all human decency and desire for improvement.
Globalisation is upon us, and it is a raging sea that we will either sail, or sink in. The world is shrinking at the speed of light, and higher standards are infiltrating into our culture, following the investor’s money. It demands higher standards, and it dictates the need for courtesy and basic protocol as the norm, it refuses to recognise ignorance as an excuse for tacky behaviour or poor service delivery. If we are to accomplish all our goals and aspirations as individuals and as a country, then we must, in addition to our high intelligence or IQ, develop an equally high social and emotional intelligence (SI and EI respectively) to see all our good visions come true.
Globalisation is no longer a choice, but a fact. It has come to stay, so the ko-mean syndromemust find its way out of our society forthwith for us to earn global respect as individuals and as a nation.
Excerpt from The Art of Refinement by MaviIsibor)
MaviSokiaIsibor- The Etiquette Icon is the Author of The Art of Refinement, Nigeria’s first resource material on Etiquette. She is also Group CEO of Poise Nigeria Limited, Nigeria’s premier and foremost Personality and Image branding consultancy firm.
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