Just before you make that big decision in 2015 (1)

The other day my wife’s friend was in the house and had some hard talk about her marriage and how she is considering quitting the marriage. After she left, my wife narrated her story and asked my opinion. Now, I have led several personal change classes in my Personal Leadership Course, which has been quite helpful to a great number of persons in the process of making make-or-break decisions. After carefully listening to my wife, I said to her, your friend only needs to be sure she has been able to see 360 degrees or at least a reasonable percentage of 360 degrees.

Very often in life we are blind and do not see. The vast majority of persons are not aware that they are blind to the real issues that are important in the decision they are about to make. When we are confronted with a problem or challenge, the first challenge we have to deal with is the way we have the problem framed. No one person in this world is free of biases. The way we look at life has come about by the very experiences, background, family history and all the books and people we have interacted with over the years. This background has come to define for us what we call problems and challenges today. It is no wonder that what one person calls a problem is an opportunity to another person.

The first step to assembling a response to any challenge is introspection. I know this is a hard thing to do. You have worked in company A for the last 5 years and everyone knows that your boss is very difficult to please. You have rehearsed it several thousand times. You are even so sure of this view because you are not the only one with this position. The reinforcement from you and your colleagues has defined reasons why you think the boss, and not you, is the problem. In most classes on personal change, one of the things that hit participants like an electric shock is the sudden realization that 95 percent of the problem was their creation and did not really exist.

You are here sweating and sleepless over a problem that does not even exist in the first place. Your restlessness and focus reinforce the creative process and every day you expand and refine the problem you created making sure that you give birth to it. It was Mark Twain who once said, “It isn’t so much the things we don’t know that get us into trouble. It is the things we know that aren’t just so.” One reason it is hard to get yourself unstuck is that you are an integral part of the problem you are trying to solve. As Einstein observed, “Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” What should you do when you are stuck in life by what seems like a big problem wanting to tear you apart? As you consider some of the BIG decisions you may want to make in 2015, I will suggest you consider some of the tips below to help refine your decisions for 2015.

Unearthing hidden belief systems – The first thing I would like to draw your attention to is the fact that 97 percent of all problems emanate from hidden belief systems. We all have deeply ingrained beliefs of what reality is or what it should be. We bring these beliefs to the workplace or our relationships. Our past experiences have matured over the years to form norms or right and wrong. As soon as we encounter any situation that does not suit these norms, our subconscious immediately triggers our inbuilt alert systems. These beliefs come in various forms and shades. The first thing then that you need to do when you are trying to make a decision is to examine the beliefs that have helped shape the issue at hand. Doing this can be quite tricky and getting expert on this subject might be very helpful. Executive coaches and trainers in personal development might be quite helpful in helping you unearth these beliefs. You may also consider taking a course along these lines.

Change the beliefs that have caused this unsettlement – The next thing to do after identifying the belief systems that created the unease confronting you is to change these beliefs. This may not happen overnight.

Tunde Ekpekurede