Be a good host
Whatever may be the circumstances behind the visitation and whether or not the guest is wanted, treat all your visitors with courtesy, kindness and respect. Sometimes this may be a hard business to accomplish, especially when hosting is the last thing on your mind at the moment; but the truth is, it is better to decline someone’s request to lounge with you than it is to accept to host and make a poor job of it. The definition of true hosting is aptly conveyed by Anthelme Brillat-Savarin who says that “to entertain a guest is to make yourself responsible for his/her happiness.” And making your guest happy does not necessarily mean you have to drill a deep hole in your pocket. Your commitment to their well-being, your attention to minute details, your willingness to go out of your way will etch you forever in the mind of your guest. What is more, if your guest is a professional, do not take advantage of the situation by requesting free consultation; doing this might make you look cheap. Hospitality is free and should not be earned. When the guest leaves, call him/her up, book an appointment the proper way and pay for their services. You will be amazed at their response. This rule can be bent in a scenario where the guest stays for a week or more. It is alright to request some help from them in this case. In fact, if a guest will be staying for a long time, it is liberating to let them know that they will be expected to take care of themselves and do their fair share of house chores. In his book on celebrating a graceful life, Dwight Currie – How we behave at the feast – shares this amusing story of a friend’s hospitality:
A few years ago I arrived at a friend’s home at the onset of a weeklong visit. He greeted me at the door with a hearty ‘Welcome! Make yourself at home!’ I thanked him and assured him that I would be comfortable. In response he elaborated, ‘My house is your house!’ so again, I thanked him for his hospitality- and again he upped the ante. ‘My kitchen is your kitchen,’ he said, and before I could reply, his welcome continued: ‘My grocery store is your grocery store,’ he explained, ‘my stove is your stove, my dishwasher is your dishwasher, my broom is your broom.’ He stopped, grinned at me, and asked, ‘Do you get the idea?’ I nodded.
Dwight Currie recalls feeling liberated because his guest had stated his expectations, and he was all too happy to do his fair share of domestic chores. Diplomatically setting boundaries for your guests empowers them to live at peace with you and this helps both of you.
Guidelines for showing hospitality
– Etiquette demands that a host shows respect and basic courtesy to a guest, whether the relationship between them is cordial or not.
– It is fundamental that there should be proper preparation put in place to receive a visitor, and this of course should include: a carefully handled and properly communicated plan to manage the accommodation of your guests and their transportation from the airport to their lodging.
– Courtesy demands that as soon as you confirm the arrival of your guest(s), you make a call to check that they are comfortable, and that all your plans worked out well.
– It is also good etiquette to enquire about how the night went for your guest(s), and to also prepare them for the day’s program.
How do you act in public?
Though there has never been a time when the presence of bad manners in public places was absent in our society (especially in the urban areas), it is safe to assert that the epidemic has worsened in recent years. Eighty five percent of the country’s daily news provides information on the weighty issues that we grapple with as a country: corruption, ethnic and religious violence, leadership issues and so on, and we wonder how to get ourselves out of the mess. I believe that the answer is right in front of our nose. We must refine our culture as individuals and then as a society. We must remould the Naija Personality[1] and pass along quality values and cultures to the next generation, starting with the basics:
When on the streets….
– Littering
I went shopping recently and caught a first-hand glimpse of the source of one of the maladies plaguing us in Nigeria: littering. While awaiting my turn at the payment counter, I watched keenly as a young boy of about seven grabbed the packet of biscuits and sachet of drink from his mum and ate greedily, strutting up and down the corridor of the shopping mall. My amusement grew as I watched him eat, working carefully to avoid hurting his toothless gum all the while maintaining a smug expression which mirrored his pleasure at having gotten his way. Suddenly, the unexpected happened! After finishing his snack, this young chap with an astonishing reckless abandon, flicked his wrist, and flung the empty packets of biscuits up in the air, kicking them one after the other against the wall. I sighed in dismay and lifted my eyes frantically, in search of his mother; hoping that she caught him in the act and would correct him. My disappointment increased as I watched this mother ignore the act, and instead call on him not to go too far away from her. By that simple action, this lady was guilty of two offences: first, she deprived her son of a guidance he desperately needed; and second, she greatly reduced Nigeria’s chances of having a clean environment.
With no reprimand in sight and the dirt on the floor, I was compelled to call Junior and ask him to pick up his litter. His immediate response was to steal a glance at his mother who looked on without a word, and then he bent down and quietly retrieved the offending litter, put it in the waste basket and jaunted away.
I left the mall fully convinced that if our country was to have a future; the change would have to start from the smallest unit of the society: the family. After all, the facts remain that it is the unchecked and poorly trained children of yesterday that have grown into the millions of area boys and girls – those unruly adults that today litter the streets, we see some even throwing refuse out of their very posh rides, thereby undermining the government’s best efforts to keep our cities clean.
(Excerpt from The Art of Refinement by Mavi Isibor)
Mavi Sokia Isibor- The Etiquette Icon is the Author of The Art of Refinement, Nigeria’s first resource material on Etiquette. She is also Group CEO of Poise Nigeria Limited, Nigeria’s premier and foremost Personality and Image branding consultancy firm.
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Mavi Isibor
