Life & vanities 2

The emptiness I felt was unending. My heart seemed like a bottomless pit and all I wanted to do was fill that void but I had no idea how to do that. I had searched and found nothing yet I refused to give up. I searched some more until she found me and then she told me what I thought to be the truth, but I now know to be lies. She said she had the solution to my problem. Being young and naive, I foolishly believed her.

She told me that all I needed to do was be on the right side and then the empty feeling would disappear. She said she would show me how to get to the right side. I was tempted to ask her if she once felt the emptiness too, how she found out about the right side and if indeed she had been to the right side, but I could not bring myself to speak. All I could do was follow and now I hate myself.

She took me to the spot through which I would be transported to the other side. At that point, I panicked. It was all a hoax! Why didn’t I ask more questions? But before I could open my mouth to express my rage, she shoved me to the hard cold ground and I passed out as soon as my head hit the concrete.

When I regained my consciousness, I felt a chilly breeze and I shivered. I heard the sound of the crashing waves and then I felt the water at my feet. I opened my eyes and I was confused as to what I saw. The environment was like nothing I had seen before. I had been washed ashore the right side. I tried to think positive, after all, this was where my emptiness was going to disappear and all my sorrows would turn to joy; then I saw all the goodness. I saw luxurious beach houses lined up and at once I was convinced that having one of those would fill the emptiness inside me. 

So I wanted to build. I strolled to the extreme where I saw an empty plot and decided that that was going to be my location. As I wanted to set out to find blocks and other building materials, she appeared. She hated the idea of me building, saying that it was a waste of time. As beautiful creatures, we did not need to build; all we needed to do was take. Take from those that had already built. She said that taking was very easy, but in other to take we have to give a little bit of our souls. I was appalled by the idea of giving out my soul, so I refused. I did not want to give out my soul, no matter how little. Then she got angry and disappeared. I didn’t care. 

All I wanted was to build myself a beautiful beach house, so I set out to work. I tried to look for labourers to help me but I found none. I tried to ask my neighbours to recommend labourers or assist me, but they all shut their doors in my face. I was sad and distraught. Night after night, I slept in the open air exposed to all the natural elements that showed me no mercy. I suffered in agony, my resolve to keep going diminished by the second and then she appeared again.

She laughed in my face. Laughed at my sorry attempt to empower myself and told me it was not too late to take her up on the offer she made early on. She said that she didn’t have to build her own beach house, but she is living in one of the most luxurious on the beach. Sure enough, she looked great like a goddess and I knew I looked no better than a grovelling mice. So I thought to myself, ‘I would join her and use that as an opportunity to get what I need to build my own house.’

Yes. I said yes to her. I said yes to everyone who wanted a bit of my soul and in turn I was given a bit of the better life. It became so frequent and in no time I didn’t give a second thought when I had to part with little pieces of my soul. There were a lot of highs in this new life I was living, but they didn’t last for long. The lows came almost instantly and then I would rush to look for another who wanted a bit of my soul in exchange for more highs. I was addicted. I knew this and I did not care until I had given out all I had and I had no soul left to exchange for highs. Then the reality hit me: In the process of getting high I had forgotten my ultimate purpose. I had not found one labourer to build my beach house. I was back at the merciless hands of the elements. I waited for her to come and tell me what else I could do now that I had traded my entire soul, but she never came back.

As I held onto the hope that she would come back, I hated myself for falling for her lies. Then I felt empty but still I had a soul, now I have not a soul and feel deeply empty.

‘’For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul’’ – Mark 8:36

Oluwaseyi Lawal