Silence the critical voices in your head

There’s one debilitating behavior that most of us fall victim to with great regularity: listening to critical voices in our heads. Whether they originate from external criticism or our own fears and doubts, these negative voices tell us we’re not good enough, kind enough or productive enough. Research shows that echoing negative thoughts inside our heads increases our chances of depression, isolates us from others and inhibits us from pursuing goals.

Fortunately, it is possible to learn to ignore these voices and replace them with positive ones. Here’s how to move past negativity and into productivity.

— LOOK FOR THE POSITIVE: We often assume that the biggest potential for improvement lies in fixing our weaknesses, but amplifying our strengths is also important. According to Gallup, people who use their strengths daily are six times more engaged, and “strengths-focused” teams are 12.5% more productive. Instead of only asking about what you did wrong, request positive feedback too. Ask, “What did you like about my presentation?” or, “What worked well for you in this pitch deck?”

— HEAR THE POSITIVE: Take it in. Many of my clients will ask for positive feedback but only start taking notes once the negative feedback starts. Jot down the positive feedback so you know what to replicate. It also cues the feedback giver that positive feedback is just as important to you as areas to improve.

— DIG IN TO UNDERSTAND THE POSITIVE: Allow yourself to lean in and explore praise. Think of a compliment someone paid you recently. What did you do in response? Did you make excuses? “I was lucky.” Did you minimize it? “I had a lot of help.” At best, you probably said, “Thank you.” In contrast, what do you do when someone makes negative comments? You ask questions and even request examples. Turn a compliment into an opportunity to gather concrete examples of how you’re effective.

— BELIEVE THE POSITIVE, AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE: Even if you somehow work yourself up to following the three steps above, you might still have a hard time believing what people say about you. Maybe you wonder about the feedback giver’s ulterior motive. Instead, believe what they’re saying might actually be true. Find the people who have your best interests at heart and who you can count on to tell you the truth. When you hear their voices over and over again, you’re more likely to see the positive themes and internalize them.

Make it a daily practice to shoot for a five-to-one ratio. You may not keep a precise count of how many positive and negative voices you’re allowing inside your head each day, but once you start to stockpile positive comments, you’ll notice a difference in your energy level and output. With a full tank, it’s easier to pass on the goodwill and be a positive voice for others.