When you’re the person your colleagues always vent to

HEALTH

Divani is a senior analyst at a large telecommunications firm. She proudly describes herself as her department’s “resident cheer-upper.” As she says, “I have always been the person that people turn to for support.” But one year, Divani’s organization was going through a major change initiative: “So many colleagues were leaning on me, turning to me to process, commiserate, ask for advice. It was hard to get through my own deadlines and also be there for my co-workers. I was drowning in stress and nearing burnout.”

Divani is what we call a “toxic handler,” someone who voluntarily shoulders the sadness, frustration and anger that are endemic to organizational life just as joy and success are. Their work is difficult and critical even if it often goes uncelebrated; it keeps organizations positive and productive as the individuals within it clash.

But it isn’t easy work, and individuals in these roles frequently experience untenably high levels of stress and strain.

If Divani’s story sounds familiar to you, how can you continue to help to your colleagues while also protecting yourself? Here are some actions you can take to keep playing your valuable role in a sustainable way.

— REDUCE SYMPTOMS OF STRESS: Turn to tried and true methods for stress relief: meditation, exercise, enough sleep and healthful eating.

— PICK YOUR BATTLES: Ask yourself where you’ll have the most impact. Who is likely to be fine without your help? In which situations have you not even made a dent, despite your best efforts?

— LEARN TO SAY NO:You can make it clear that you feel for your colleague in their pain and tell them you’re currently not in a position to be most helpful to them right now. Refer them to another person or to resources for support.

— LET GO OF THE GUILT: If you’re stepping in repeatedly, you’re not helping people acquire the skills and tools they need to succeed. And remember that there is only so much of you to go around.

— FORM A COMMUNITY: Find other toxic handlers to turn to for support.

— TAKE BREAKS: Consider giving yourself a mental health day off work or planning a significant vacation. In more dramatic situations, you could also consider a temporary reassignment of your role.

— MAKE A CHANGE: If nothing you are doing has resulted in a shift, your best option may be to leave.

— CONSIDER THERAPY: A trained psychologist can help you identify burnout, manage your symptoms of stress, help you learn to say “no” and work through any guilt.

Toxic handlers are critical to the well-being of organizations and the people in them. If you’re a toxic handler, learn to monitor yourself for signs of emotional or physical fatigue so that you can keep doing what you do best.