Budgeting for change with a budget of change

I am not a fan of Chief MAOO Obasanjo, a born again general, democrat-in-reverse, writer, and NOUN   student.  I detest his holier- than-thou, I-am- the- man attitude and poor concern for others’ quotient.  But he boasts of several quotable quotes and when spirit is right, he can give Ali Baba a run for his money in the comedy domain. One of those days was when he declared 5 years ago, I just de laugh! And there was nothing laughable about the issue at stake; the emergence of his frenemy (friend and enemy), Atiku Abubakar as the northern consensus candidate of PDP in the 2011 presidential elections. And even though  national budgeting is a very serious affair and despite the grievous implications of the FGN 2016 budget charade, I will borrow this quotable quote from OBJ: I just de laff!

Recently,  Ndy Nkpa  published  the outcome of  an interesting assignment given to a group of Nigerian students, which  bothered on the definition and advantages of Nigerian zero- budgeting(ZB). The winning answer defined ZB as a practice of adding several zeros to every cost items in the previous  budget, with the major advantage of ability to appear and disappear! That definition was ingeneous and unbeatable and  I forwarded it to the Nigerian Economic Society as a possible theme of their 2016 conference. The Guinness Book of Records is also considering it as one of the greatest intellectual outcomes in 2016.

However my only problem with this definition remains: which budget? Is it the ORIGINAL MISSING DOCTORED (counterfeit) CORRECTED) or the OMNIBUS budget (which harmonises all of the above).  Even when the NASS continued to dance awilo with the budget and has rescheduled its passage several times, my question still remains, which budget are we talking about? Which budget was PMB lobbying them to pass? What type of acceptable lobbying will an anti-corruption President undertake and why did he bypass the head  of NASS (Saraki) to negotiate directly with the appropriate committee chairmen(Senator Danjuma Goje &  Hon. Jibrin Abdulmumin,) who of course are his brothers?  Which budget did they eventually pass today, 23/3/16? It is a serious matter but it is indeed laffious!

For the first time in world economic history, a national budget went missing!  Eventually, it was announced that the integrity of the massive document was violated by PMBs personal staff.   Surprisingly, the House insisted that its copy was intact and unadulterated. Eventually PMB wrote to withdraw and replace the budget, blaming the gods, some ghosts and budget mafia for the fraudulent manipulation. And while PMB agreed that what the minister prepared was not what was being debated, and declared that he was embarrassed by the budget-gate, Lai declared that there was no padding. And while the government declared that it operated a ZB framework, the Auditor General declared- before the hollowed chambers, that “this year’s budget is enveloped-based and not zero-based in anyway.’ Indeed as a lawmaker observed, they took the 2015 budget template and just started throwing figures.  Incidentally, the only punishment for those budget rats was mass transfer!  To transfer their figure-manipulation skills to other areas or an indication that some Ministries, Departments or Agencies are juicier than others?  And while PMB did not blame GEJ, there has been no apology and nobody claimed responsibility. I just de laff !

Many of those commenting on the budget have not seen a copy of the budget and at best, only saw a soft copy of whichever version it was. Well, the budget is 1800+ pages. One thousand eight hundred pages! Just consider the following: The New Jerusalem Bible is 1463 pages; Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, 1713 pages; New King James Bible (Giant print, center reference) 1763 pages while Chambers 20th Century Dictionary (1977) is 1652pages. Now that you have an idea of the size of the budget, your likely exclamation would be na waa!  When I was commissioned to review the 2014 budget I read and read yet saw no end in sight. I believe that those who created a budget of this size did so deliberately: to intimidate, confuse, obfuscate and mesmerise.

That is why it is possible to insert all the dead-bodies within the budget.  That is why the popular Hilux Van cost N5m and 27m! That is why there is rent for Aso rock and why the very busy VP would read 5m worth of books in this online age and in a situation where 11 federal polytechnics received only N3.8m for books!  To make communication meaningful, useful and usable we are taught to always KISS (keep it simple and short). May be that does not apply to budgetary communication. Probably, we should prepare an annual revenue budget, and do the expenditure side on a weekly basis! Anyway, I just de laff!

PMB and the APC government had promised that it would never be business as usual, that the cost of governance must receive a serious haircut, that our priorities should be set aright and of course, advised us to tighten our belts. The 2016 specifically was to ensure that our resources are managed prudently and utilised solely for the public good. Well, the Presidency voted N39b for  travels and transportation in a period when PMB should stay at home and face his face, N362m  for Wildlife Conservation N90m for restaurant/kitchen equipment, N1.1bn for  new vehicles  even though the PMB  had said he needed no  new cars because  ones available were good for the “next 10 years”.

One doesn’t have to be a Chike Obi to know that the figures do not tally with the objectives and as Solana Olumense bemoaned, instead of demonstrating an emerging and better Nigeria, the budget showcased where government officials intended to lounge and luxuriate.   And just a few days to the shifty passage of the budget, despite all the amendments and reviews, another set of 25 fresh errors amounting to N37bn or rather N500bn, was discovered, including items without location, quantities or serially repeated. 

Before then, the minister of health and the minister of info (the face of APC and PMB government) disowned the budgets of change (this was not what we submitted- Adewole; “what we submitted is not there-Lai). The Investment and Security Tribunal just duplicated the 2015 budget while the Minister of Finance and CG of Customs almost engaged in fisticuffs over budget figures and programmes.  Some ministers presented reviewed and repainted proposals that were still at variance with figures from the Ministry of National Planning. When the budget of the Presidency, Ministry of Finance, and Budget Office were infiltrated by the spirits, what else do you expect from the budget of other lesser-mortal MDAS?  Why I no go laff?

Anyway, as the senate has passed a budget of 6.02rn, I have these interim questions: is this an envelope or a zero-based budget? How come the figure was N6.02trn after the padding, duplication, and several frivolous and ghost items? As Ikenna asked, why was there budget-gate this year: is the NASS more serious this time or there was not enough lobbying or that present budget rats were greedier and more dubious? Anyway, long live zero-budgeting; long live the budget mafia and long live the people of Nigeria

Seriously speaking, this is not a laffious matter! I will undertake a serious analysis of the budget in the days to come but for now, I de laff!

Ik Muo