Many leaders struggle with employees who blur the fine line between persuasion and manipulation when the stakes are high. Although ethical misconduct should never be tolerated, talented professionals can have long and successful careers if they are coached to learn healthier approaches to influence.
Behavioral science tells us that manipulative behaviors, such as engaging in excessive criticism, offering fake flattery, distorting information, pretending helplessness and inflicting guilt are often mechanisms for surviving an especially difficult or competitive environment. They’re particularly enticing when a person feels he lacks sufficient power and control.
Sadly, in many organizations manipulation has become an acceptable replacement for positive forms of influence. Worse, it is often reinforced by organizational systems and culture. My own research bears this out. When decision-making lacks transparency, people are 3.5 times as likely to embellish the truth.
So how can you coach someone who — knowingly or not — leans on manipulative behaviors and help him find more-productive ways to influence others? Sometimes you can’t. But if you’re working with someone you believe has the capacity to change, consider the following approaches.
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1. CONSIDER ORGANIZATIONAL FACTORS. What aspects of the organization might be encouraging the behavior? Organizational factors that may promote manipulative behavior include:
— Incentive systems that reward highly individualistic results.
— Cultures that prize secrecy and make information difficult to access or in which passive aggression subverts healthy conflict.
— Evaluation systems with forced distributions into narrow performance categories.
— Siloed structures that protect divisional loyalty.
— Competing or unclear goals that make exploiting ambiguity the only way to get credit for results.
If factors like these are operative in your organization, recognize that they will discourage mutual, authentic influence, leaving manipulation as the default approach for efficiently getting things done. Doing this analysis before coaching someone will help you see that many people aren’t manipulative by nature but may be influenced by context.
2. PRESENT THE DATA: Confronting people who are practicing manipulative behavior is inherently difficult, because they are often skilled at convincing others of their motives, even if that means twisting the story. When challenged, they may become defensive, offering blustery, sarcastic declarations such as “I’m sorry if others are misinterpreting my intentions, but I’m working my tail off to deliver this under difficult conditions. But hey, if I’m the wrong person, I’m happy to let someone else try.” Being direct and sticking to the facts is the best approach.
After sharing specific examples, it’s important to reinforce your goal: “My intent isn’t to question your motives or character but rather to help you recognize how others are experiencing your leadership and to find alternative approaches to this important initiative that won’t damage your career.”
Use a tone that conveys you are an ally and reiterate your intent to help the other person succeed. Beneath their confident exteriors, people acting manipulatively are often fragile, and they may feel shamed when learning how their behavior is being interpreted. You’ll want to guard against their shutting down. Let them offer explanations, and actively listen. You may discover a side of the story you hadn’t considered before.
3. EXPLORE MARGINALIZING DYNAMICS: Chronic manipulation often masks deep feeling of invisibility. Many people with manipulative habits have experienced being ignored, rejected or excluded from critical conversations. When someone desperately wants to prove themselves worthy to stop the pain of feeling marginalized, manipulation may seem a reliable tool.
Feeling excluded or insignificant doesn’t excuse manipulation, but it offers an important explanation: that people who feel marginalized come to expect exclusion and may act in unconscious ways that lead to it. A leader’s job is to create an inclusive environment in which no unproductive behavior is needed to gain acceptance. Consider these factors before starting a coaching conversation so that you can lead it with greater empathy.
If you’re coaching someone who has been disregarded in some way, either in his life or while at your organization, explore how that experience might shape his choices. Ask questions like:
— “Do you worry that people won’t see you as credible?”
— “Have I, or has anyone, made you feel as if your contribution isn’t important?”
— “Do you struggle to feel confident in the merits of your viewpoints?”
— “Do you frequently fear being rejected by those whose support you are trying to gain?”
“Yes” answers might indicate that someone feels like an outsider. If that’s the case, make sure you are doing everything you can to create a sense of belonging. Coach him on how to build relationships throughout the organization. Check in regularly to make sure he is making positive connections and is feeling respectfully treated.
4. EXPRESS SUPPORT AND AGREE ON COMMITMENTS: It’s important to maintain empathy during and after this conversation. The person whose behavior you are addressing will leave feeling anxious about his status in your eyes. Emphasize your commitment to his success as clearly as you do your expectations for change. The person must believe you are an ally and ready to help. For example, if you discover skill gaps in the person’s influence repertoire, agree to provide the necessary development.
Being on the receiving end of manipulative behavior can feel demeaning and infuriating. You might conclude that coaching someone away from such behavior is a lost cause, or that he has forfeited the chance to redeem himself. But if you’re willing to take an empathic approach and get to the bottom of someone’s manipulation, you might set him on course for his greatest contributions.
•Roncarucciisaco-founder and managing partner at naval
Sterling Bank Plc has released its results for the half- year ( H1) ended June 30, 2020. The bank delivered a profit after tax (PAT) of N5.4 billion on gross earnings of N70.2 billion compared with a PAT of N5.7 billion on gross earnings of N72.3 billion during the corresponding period of 2019. It reported net interest income of N33.5billion as against N30.4 billion in the corresponding H1 period of 2019, representing a growth of 10.1 percent.
The bank’s results at the Nigerian Stock Exchange show customer deposits inched up by 2.5 percent to N915.2 billion in 2020 from N892.7 billion in 2019. Total assets rose by 9.4 percent to N1.29trillion during the review period from N1.18trillion in 2019.
The lender closed the halfyear with a trading income of N3.9 billion as against N1.2 billion for the corresponding period of 2019, representing a remarkable increase of 242.8 percent.
Commenting on the financial performance, the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Sterling Bank Plc, Abubakar Suleiman remarked that “Our impressive half- year performance in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing economic disruption belies the rough seas ahead. In the second quarter of the reporting period, we focused on empowering our stakeholders to respond to the unprecedented disruption occasioned by prolonged restriction to movement while supporting them to adapt to new ways of banking.
“Our commitment to digitisation was validated as we continued to serve existing and new customers through our mobile and digital platforms. We also responded to the uncertainty by doubling down on cost optimisation while leveraging our existing remote work policy to keep our workforce productive without risking COVID- 19 infection. Notwithstanding rising inflation, we were able to moderate operating expenses during H1 2020 to deliver a net profit comparable to the first half of 2019.
“In the second half of the year, our focus remains the same; retooling our employees to function optimally while observing social distancing, enhancing our execution capacity and enabling our customers to thrive in the middle of a pandemic. We will continue to focus on the sectors that are critical to the well-being of the economy, or as we call it, the HEART sectors namely: Health, Education, Agriculture, Renewable Energy and Transportation.”
He observed that the contracted gross earnings was primarily due to a dip in fees and commission as a result of a downward review of electronic banking fees.
