One of the first things a child learns in a healthy family is TRUST. What a parent or guardian is saying to a child is “I want you to trust whatever I am saying” and what the child is interpreting is “I trust that what you have said is what you will do.” When this trust is broken, it affects us in so many ways we are unable to explain, and this in turn makes us react in ways that are questionable, we have often said that the foundation for a balanced adulthood is the happenings of childhood.
I was involved in a very interesting conversation with a couple of young men who were going back in time about their childhood experiences and the common factor amongst the men was that trust was broken at a young age, there were a number of varying situations but that was the one common thing that tied all their experiences.
Bidemi recalls how he had cried for a week pleading with his dad for a particular gift for his 5th birthday, he was under the assumption that his father had agreed to his request only for him to invite his friends over and it was something entirely different with no communication whatsoever from his father. Bidemi mentioned how this singular episode dented something inside of him that he is still trying to fix today. He is 29 years old, and this bond of trust has affected him a great deal.
Daniel is 36 and painfully explains how he struggles with trusting anyone in adulthood because growing up, all he remembers is that adults never truly mean what they say.
His father will send messages through the matron of his school informing him that he would come visit him on his visiting days, Daniel said he would be the first to take his bath and wait patiently for his dad, jumping out at every car that came by. His Dad never showed up, this happened consistently and Daniel eventually gave up on the idea or though, this greatly affected his relationship with his father until this day, and this was the beginning of his trust issues that has had a major impact on so many relationships he has had.
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There are several occurrences of life that adults are battling with and it stems from the lack of trust from childhood.
Babies and toddlers may not be able to speak but their constant babble does not mean they are not beginning to understand the emotional effect of the issues surrounding trust. As little as they are, they do understand. As parents, we should always communicate our intent right, we must mean what we say and say what we mean.
Our attitude causes a ripple effect on the lives of our children. Sometimes, children can ask in ways that can make us question our parenting skills. If your child has seriously breached your trust, once you have defused any immediate danger the situation presents, then it is of utmost importance to also make them feel comfortable.
Make your child aware that while you are not happy with the current situation, you still greatly believe he is a trustworthy human being. Let the child know that you believe they are capable of making better decisions not just for you, but also for themselves.
Trust is a valuable and fragile commodity in human and family dynamics, it ought to be given and also received, it might sound transactional, but it is not. Also, as a parent remember that when your child breaks your trust which most times is termed as a mistake, always remember that mistakes are an inherent part of the learning curve.
