“I don’t like this. I keep telling you that this is how things are done in my father’s house and you have refused to listen to me. What exactly is the colour of your problem and why is it so difficult for you to listen to instructions?”
“Oh I see. It’s only you that came from a father’s house, right? I have told you that your methods are so outdated and impracticable yet you keep insisting on them. Who are you trying to stress in this life? If you have any issue, please go back to your father’s house and stay there!”
Mrs Olayinka heard albeit reluctantly, as the Adelajas lashed out at each other. She and her husband lived in their ground-floor 3-bedroom flat with their care assistant as all their children had relocated abroad making it necessary for them to move to a smaller apartment which had been adapted to suit their needs. The Adelajas were the young couple that lived in the flat above them and when they started screaming at each other, she could hear them clearly.
She had on more than one occasion, thought of inviting them over to her home to speak with them on their issues but she did not want to be seen as intrusive. However, they had already made her and her husband third parties without their consent so she decided that she may as well go ahead and speak with them.
John and Bisi Adelaja were pleasantly surprised when they got the invitation for Sunday lunch from Mrs ‘O’ as they fondly called her. She was such a pleasant landlady and they had had a peaceful time since they moved into their house 1 year ago. Even though they had a good relationship thus far, this was the first time they were receiving a formal invitation for lunch.
The Adelajas were at Mrs O’s door at exactly 2 minutes to the time and rang the bell. They knew she wasn’t given to African time, and they wanted to make a good impression. Mr Olayinka opened the door with a warm smile and ushered them in, making small talk with them as their care assistant served them small chops and chapman drinks with the right amount of lemon infused into them.
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Mrs O’s perfume entered the room before she did and they stood up as she came in and enveloped them in big bear hugs, ushering them to the dining area. John and Bisi looked at each other and were glad that they had both decided to have a very light breakfast so that they could have space for Mrs O’s food. The conversation started right at the lunch table, with Mr and Mrs O each sharing about their backgrounds and early life before they got married, married life, parenting, career, grandchildren and many more.
Some of the stories were so relatable and funny that John and Bisi kept pinching each other under the table because they did not want to laugh out too loudly. They could not imagine that these two people had had such starkly different backgrounds but yet were still peacefully married.
As they relaxed after lunch, Mr Olayinka invited John to join him in the library to see his Art collection while Mrs O stayed with Bisi in the living room. They had decided to speak with the couple privately and separately to make them feel more comfortable. The plan was to help them understand that marriage was a blend of two different backgrounds and each spouse needed to drop the ideologies from their respective backgrounds and learn how to negotiate and be adaptable to each other while maintaining each other’s best interests.
When they got back to their apartment, John and Bisi had a no-holds-barred talk for the first time about how best they could adapt to and support each other while fully acknowledging and respecting each other’s differences. They knew the change wouldn’t happen overnight but both of them committed to re-learning how to engage with each other.
Within a few weeks the rancorous arguments started fading away and Mrs O was pleased that their plan had worked.
