This is a very interesting topic especially if you happen to be an African descent. We have at one point, or another been told not to expose our homes and keep every happening a secret, especially the negative aspects.
I believe the intention was to foster unity and oneness which is the ideal structure of a family unit. However, couples have gone the extra mile in interpreting this. Unpleasant situations and experiences have been covered up and this has made matters worse. Couples hide under the guise of “privacy” and “loyalty” and suffer bitter experiences in marriage.
We must understand that the original design of marriage is to experience heaven on earth and not hell. Marriage is sweet. For better or worse is not a sentence to suffering. If what you are experiencing is hell, something is wrong.
Mostly, we all go into marriage without experience and so it is not uncommon that one will need help. You are not expected to know it all. Seeking help is not a weakness, and neither does it suggest that you are not a good wife/husband. It simply means that you care about your home and are willing to make it work.
Negative habits and situations thrive in secrecy. When you cover up bad habits, characters, patterns etc. it becomes worse. The solution is only found in the open and not in the secret.
Read also: The Fear of a Failed Marriage
Who do I speak to?
Before we talk about who to speak to, let’s talk about who you should not talk to. You do not want to speak to someone who is not in agreement with your union. That person will be quick to say, “I warned you”. You do not also want to talk to someone who will judge you. You must therefore open up to someone who is equally married, morally and spiritually mature and someone who is genuinely interested in the success of your marriage.
There is nothing you are going through that is new. That situation might be new to you but it is not new. Someone somewhere has gone through the exact same situation and so there is an existing solution to that problem. However, you will never find that solution if you cover it up. You must be willing to seek help and accept help from the right person.
How do I know who the right person is?
The simple answer is discernment. Knowing the right person to talk to in a particular situation is as important as the solution being sought. The individual is in a vulnerable state and any advice received at that point can either make or mar the marriage, hence the importance of seeking help from the “right” person. If you have been following the previous editions of this magazine, you would have been familiar with the person of the Holy Spirit by now. He knows all things, even those that have not been conceived in the heart of any man. In situations that seem like your back is against the wall, he will lead you to the right person to speak to. When we acknowledge Him, He directs our path and the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter until the perfect day.
You cannot do marriage alone. You will need help at some point. Do not be too private to the point of suffering. Open up and get help from the right sources.
In summary, there is already a solution to the problem you are facing. Reach out to find out.
