Banko haram

According to “Breaking News” yesterday on “Bloomberg Television” and Vatican Radio/Vatican TV, HSBC Bank has written to the Finsbury Park Mosque in north London where the fiery radical cleric Mujadeen Abu Hamza preached in the 1990’s and 2000’s in a letter dated July 27, 2014 as follows:

“The provision of banking services (to your mosque) now falls outside our risk appetite.”

The bank was careful to avoid reminding the mosque that Abu Hamza was convicted of terrorism not too long ago.  Rather, it gave the mosque a deadline of 20th September 2014 and added with a note of finality:

“You will need to make alternative banking arrangements as we are not prepared to open another account for you.”

The Moslem community promptly accused the bank of Islamophobia.  Regardless, the bank would not budge.  Instead it issued an official statement on CNN; CBS; and BBC:

“Discrimination against customers on grounds of race or religion is immoral, unacceptable and illegal.  HSBC has comprehensive rules and policies in place to ensure that race or religion are never factors in banking decisions.”

This only made matters worse as Mr Jeremyn Corbyn, the Member of Parliament representing Islington North, London (which is predominantly moslem) rose to the defence of the mosque on Al Jazeera:

“The mosque has reformed since the days of Abu Hamza.  Over the past ten years, it has developed into a superb example of a community mosque supporting local people and providing facilities for all faiths if they need them.  I am appalled at the decision of HSBC.”

A clearly devastated trustee of the mosque Khalid Oumar could barely conceal his rage on CCTV (Chinese Central Television) when he launched his vigorous protest:

“The letters do not give any reason why the accounts were closed.  That has led us to believe that the only reason this has happened is because of an Islamophobic campaign targeting Muslim charities in the UK.”

The bank may have overplayed its hand when it pointed out that it is not the only bank that is reviewing its customers and proceeded to quote the case of Santander Bank which had rejected the application of Circus Uncertainty that described itself as “a burlesque dance troupe” (shorthand for lap-dancing) on the ground that its sexy outfits cause a “moral problem.”

The Group Chief Executive, who is also Chairman of The Hong Kong & Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited (HSBC), Mr Stuart Gulliver appeared on “Good Morning America” (NBC) to defend his bank.  He disclosed very firmly that:

“Since 2012 when our bank paid US $1.9 billion settlement to US authorities after being accused of money laundering from Mexican drug cartels and states under US sanctions, we have been closing accounts we consider potentially problematic.  It is our policy to be proactive and prudent even at the risk of being labelled Banko Haram.”

It turns out that HSBC Bank is not the only bank that has responded with vigour to the policy initiative of Mr Mark Karney the new Governor of the Bank of England who is pushing that banks must subscribe to “KYC” (Know Your Customer).

The banks have now reported that as a byproduct of the “Know Your Customer” campaign, they have stumbled on the following discovery by Dr Laura Gruss of Radford University in Virginia.  In a lecture she delivered to Britain’s leading scientific organization, the Royal Society last week, she divulged the results of her extensive research on how modern women developed their feminine figures, particularly slim hips and narrower waists.

“The female pelvis had an evolutionary transformation 100,000 years ago, allowing women to shrink but retain the ability to give birth to babies with big brains.  Homo sapiens – modern humans – evolved about 200,000 years ago but fossils show that early women were much larger than they are today with hips several inches bigger and broad shoulders (to intimidate the men!!).

Homo sapiens faced conflicting evolutionary pressures.  Their wide hips and thickset bodies made it easier to produce babies with large heads but harder to walk or run long distances and stay cool in African climates (particularly Zimboda).

Their solution was to evolve a birth canal with a twist in it so that the baby is rotated through 90 degrees as it is born and comes out facing backwards rather than sideways as in other apes.  The twist meant the whole pelvis could get narrower and the hips could get slimmer.  As a result they required fewer calories.

Until this change those women may have been bigger than an average modern man.  It meant they could produce large-brained infants from a slimmer body.

According to our results, we should expect that women will continue to outperform men in episodic memory if the living conditions are similar to the ones of northern Europe.

The differences favouring women should increase from small to non-existent in countries (such as Zimboda) with relatively low living conditions and educational opportunities to larger differences as living conditions and educational opportunities increase.

Our results demonstrate that improved living conditions and less gender-restricted educational opportunities are associated with increased gender differences in some cognitive functions, i.e. episodic memory and also decreases i.e. numeracy ……. in others.

The findings suggest that simply raising quality of life and giving schoolgirls (regardless of Boko Haram) the same opportunities as boys will improve both sexes’ scores in intelligence tests.”

Her report has been widely publicized in “Proceedings of The National Academy of Science” which has gone viral largely on account of the added contribution of O. Moody who has linked it all with Tennyson’s poignant observation in 1889:

“While man and woman still are incomplete, I prize that soul where man and woman meet which types all Nature’s male and female plan.”

The poet’s dream is still some way off according to research.  When it comes to totting up the last round of drinks or remembering her first kiss, the sexual revolution appears to have left the brains of men and women stubbornly different.

Men consistently outdid women when answering questions such as:  “A second-hand car dealer is selling a car for Euro 6,000.  This is two-thirds of what it cost new.  How much did the car cost new?”

The march of progress tends to narrow the mathematics gap between the sexes, but the researchers found no evidence that it would close.  In the 20th century women’s performance in intelligence tests improved dramatically across the board.  Among older generations in some southern European countries, such as Greece and Italy men tended to do better than women in most of the areas covered but the pendulum swung back among the middle-aged.  Overall, however, there is little indication that Tennyson’s ideal fusion of the sexes will turn up any time soon.”

That is where Boko Haram got it all wrong!!

According to British banks only children born with big brains as infants will be allowed to open accounts with big banks when they become adults.  The rest will have to settle for “Banko Haram” (to be run by radical bankers).

J.K Randle