This section brings us to the following questions: What is personality? What does it mean? Where does it spring from? How is it developed?
What is personality?
Hundreds of psychologists have had a lot to say on the subject. In the midst of these voices and opinions, the following definition holds sway in the world of psychology primarily because it captures the essential elements of personality: Personality is the set of psychological traits within the individual that are organised and relatively enduring and that influence his or her interactions with, and adaptations to the physical, and social environments.
Personality can be analyzed at these three levels:
1. Like all others (the human nature level, or the ways in which we are all alike)
2. Like some others (the level of individual and group differences, or the ways in which we are like some people but unlike others).
3. Like no others (the individual uniqueness level or the ways in which we are unlike any other person).
For the purpose of our discourse, levels 2 and 3 hold the most significance for us; and going by the definition and classification given, we can infer that it is possible to have a group personality just as much as it is certain that there are individual personalities.
At whatever level we may choose to view it, personality can be understood as a set of psychological traits that affect how an individual or a group of people interact with and adapt to their physical and social environment. Since the word ‘psychology’ suggests the mental life of a person, and the word ‘trait’ refers to the idiosyncrasies that characterize a person, we can coin a simpler definition of personality for the purpose of this book.
Personality is, therefore, an individual’s or group’s unique pattern of thinking that influences their behavior.
How personality is developed?
Years of psychological research have proven that a person’s personality is formed under the influence of both genes and environment. In other words, an individual’s personality is shaped by both genetic and environmental influences. A typical example is a girl I used to know, who though born and bred in a face me I face you environment, – a less-privileged area of Lagos – was raised by parents who were determined that their daughter would have a better deal than they had. In ensuring this, they raised her to behave like a perfect lady, one that was always well dressed and well behaved. By insisting that she was not allowed to follow the trend acceptable in that environment, one of which was to drop out from school, this young lady grew up to be radically different from everyone around her. This scenario is a classic example of nature and nurture at work.
The aspects of our makeup that constitute the permanent parts of our personality namely: the innate or inborn physical and mental traits that make us human and our temperament can be classified as springing from genetic factors. Attributes like extroversion and introversion fall under this class.
On the other hand, psychologists have agreed that though temperament is the foundation upon which personality is built, the features that make up a person’s personality is learned, and acquired over the years. Factors such as education, socialization, various pressures in life, and other various aspects affect the personality of an individual. Of all these environmental influences, however, the most potent among them is the cultural influence – culture meaning all the knowledge and values shared by a people or a society.
About five years ago, I witnessed a scene that classically illustrates this point.
At Heathrow Airport London, a Nigerian woman and her six-year-old son had apparently just arrived. We were in a supermarket, and after the boy excitedly chose a couple of packets of chocolates and candies, the mother gave him some money to pay for his sweets. He took the money and rushed to pay at the counter. Paying in foreign currency was also another cause of excitement for the boy, when he got to the counter, even though there were already two people ahead of him, he pushed his way to the front and extended his money to the cashier. Very politely and sternly, the man in front of him turned and said “Patience is a virtue. Wait for your turn”. Quietly, the boy stepped back and took his place in the queue. The mother who was standing a few paces away had decided to allow him the responsibility of facilitating the transaction, marveled at how quickly he fell in line.
Before that experience, I had always wondered at how developed countries came to be as orderly as they were. I wondered at how natural it was for them to stay in queues and wait for their turns. I wondered why they were spontaneously nice and polite, and automatically did the right things without being told and with no ulterior motives? As I reflected on that incident, it hit me: they simply transferred good values from one generation to the next generation.
Science has proven that through language, modeling of behavior, ways of thinking and acting, cultures are passed across to younger generations, and over time, these become structured traits, behavioral patterns and consequently personality types. This process can be described as the group personality formation and I believe that this is what accounts for the fundamental behavioral difference between a typical Nigerian and other nationals.
Upon correction, the boy fell back in line and awaited his turn: a lesson well learned. The mother should have been the one to correct him, to educate him on the importance of patience and respect for others. Whatever may have been the reason, I am pretty sure that it would not have been far removed from the fact that in her mind his behavior was normal and even cute!
Do I hear you say shame on her? True enough, it was a shameful thing to have allowed her six years old bulldoze his way to the front, but the truth is that she simply mirrored a typical Nigerian way of behaving (aka) the ‘Naija Personality’.
For most people, it was not a big deal that the boy failed to respect the queue, in their minds, he was just being sharp. Somehow, this is one trait that we do nothing about. Indeed, if a child does not push for what is perceived as his right, we tend to believe that he or she is laid back and can easily be cheated. Thus, our children grow up to become aggressive and forceful in their behavior. This translates into the malady that plagues our nation when they become adults and do not respect the law of the land. They have no regard for traffic laws, do not observe the simple courtesies required when driving, and bulldoze their way to the front of every queue acting like others who respect decency are stupid, or not in a hurry. Both adults and children alike rush and push when there is something to be shared or distributed. Even when there is a surplus, we fight so much to get ours first that we scatter and destroy whatever it is that we are fighting for.
Has my line of thought become clearer? For everyone that has ever wondered why Nigeria is the way it is today and why things seem not to be working, the answer is simple: we had negative values transmitted down to us, we then transfer the same set of culture to the younger generation, and if nothing drastic is done, the same destructive culture will be transferred to the coming generation, and the vicious cycle will continue. Somewhere along the line, we lost the values that made us a cultured and refined people.
Saddled with this understanding, it is only natural to wonder who, where and how corruption started in Nigeria, but let us leave the details to historians. Our purpose is to establish a basic point: that personality is acquired, and if this is so, then it is possible to unlearn, learn, and relearn a more refined way of thinking and behavior and thereby acquire a more refined personality.
My goal is to encourage this new way of thinking and behavior, and my hope is that it will begin to take hold. When it does, when each Nigerian relearns a more refined behavior, our beloved country will irrepressibly move forward. A much-admired friend of mine believes that if each person creates their own oasis of sanity, in a short while Nigeria will be a river of sanity, then an ocean of sanity, and then a sea of sanity, and when this extends beyond the shores of Nigeria, we will have a sane continent.
(Excerpt from The Art of Refinement by Mavi Isibor)
Mavi Sokia Isibor- The Etiquette Icon is the Author of The Art of Refinement, Nigeria’s first resource material on Etiquette. She is also Group C
EO of Poise Nigeria Limited, Nigeria’s premier and foremost Personality and Image branding consultancy firm.
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